seeker

Some time following my last post I realized that after going on about being important and not lying to myself I forgot to write about whether I had walked. Just so you know as soon as I got home from work that day I had started an oven dinner and then I walked for the 30 minutes on my treadmill. That was actually the ta dah part of my blog.

Yesterday I walked also, but not on my treadmill. Today, I haven’t gotten that far yet. I am in the process of getting housework and blogging done before I walk. I have agreed to work second shift today and then first shift tomorrow. Monday will be my only day off next week but that is OK.

In case anyone is curious, I will be committing to writing down everything I eat during the month of September, starting today of course. I have also decided to extend my walking committment through September as well, with the possible exception of September 22 & 23 because I have to travel over two-hours one way to attend all day training sessions for work. I will be traveling there and then home both days. This ties into my desire to get a job with the state and get state benefits. I also have another state job interview scheduled for my vacation week.

I do have a problem with my right leg at this time. I have OA and it seems to be bothering me a bit in the right knee and hip area. I am making sure to stretch everyday. If the areas get very painful I may have to decrease my walking time. It’s hell to be falling apart! If anyone reading this has any suggestions I would love to read them, after all, you guys are my support. Thanks for reading.

OK, I can get so silly sometimes. I admit this, but I also feel that just for today I may have earned the right.

Last night was kind of bad. My hubby had a rather sleepless night. He was in pain and couldn’t kept tossing and turning. Of course any married person knows that when your sleeping partner can’t sleep, you can’t sleep either. Anyway, my alarm went off rather early and I knew that I would have assessments and counseling sessions all day; I reset my clock figuring that I could still walk before work. I woke up at my regular time and when I checked the clock I had taken the alarm part off. I figured that if I walked tomorrow I would still be doing good. Then, “Please pay attention to this next part”, I decided that a committment was a vow that you are NOT ALLOWED TO BREAK; in other words a very serious promise which you had previously felt and thought was important enough to keep; no ifs, ands, or buts, NO BACKING OUT! Yes I realize that this post most likely reads as very silly indeed, but I am dead serious. I have made a promise to myself for my health-sake. I am not a liar there fore I must have told the truth. Anyway, I figure that I am every bit as important as my husband, my boss, my kids, my pastor, etc, etc, etc. I am a good person and I deserve to be treated in an honest and sincere manner. I will now get off my soap box! Good-evening to all.

I went to my job interview yesterday. I felt that the last interview might have been the best. I was quite shocked to walk into the room and recognize all three interviewers. That was not the reason I felt good  afterwards. I suppose each interview gets easier. This was actually the time I wasn’t consumed with second-guessing my answers to the questions I was asked.

I didn’t walk yesterday. I felt so exhausted and drained of energy; I did a little housework, cooked dinner and relaxed. I fought the urge to nap. I did go to bed a little earlier than usual. I  had set my alarm early and got up this morning and walked the half hour on my treadmill. I have already set my clock about fifteen-minutes earlier than today because I felt somewhat rushed after my shower.

My eating has not been as good as I would like. I have tried to eat lots of fiber and my intake of fruits and veggies seems good. I won’t give up. I am still committed to my walking plan and I am hopeful that I will be able to make future committments for health sake in the future. I am still doing my daily mini-yoga stretch session and my deep breathing exercise. This makes me feel better. I did bookmark a couple of online yoga videos. They are each between 30 minutes and an hour long. I have only been able to follow about fifteen minutes of any of the sessions at a time. A good night to all. Feedback is welcome.

OMG, I have done what I had committed to do and now I feel as though I can continue my day and accomplish whatever I set out to do. I suppose the commit mindset is much more important for me than the trying mindset. In case anyone is wondering, I did get the commit mindset idea from the book I have been reading. Oh, I walked on my treadmill for 30 minutes; just over a mile. Not too shabby.

Today is a vacation day. It is also a day for a job interview with an agency I have been trying to break into. I also have another interview tomorrow. Either job would be with my state, but in different counties. The benefits would be much better that my current benefits; the wages would be quite excellent compared to what I am currently earning, plus……I would be able to continue my education and the bill would be paid by my new employer! Both jobs are for social work positions. This is what I have wanted to do for many years, prior to my college experience. Wish me luck!

I am still reading the book I had written about earlier. I really need to try to finish it so I can decide if I would like to follow the eating plan. I have eaten a healthy breakfast this morning which was not a large meal. I will follow mindful eating today. I have also decided that I feel well enough to begin a walking program. I will add some stretching although I would love to begin a yoga program. I am actually researching yoga. I do a few yoga stretches now, but very few because I am afraid of hurting myself. I have decided to commit to a 30 minute walk each day for 1 week. This is my mini-goal. This will begin today and I might write about it later in the day.

I had written about health issues when I first joined this site. I just didn’t write about the extent of my health issues. I am 53 years old and because of many years of abuse and control by my mom and then two ex-husbands, all of which were alcohol and drug addicted, I suffer from diebetes, high blood pressure, emphysema, seasonal and other allergies, an enlarged heart, heart murmurs, carpal tunnel, and arthritis of the knees and nearly every joint in my body. I have been able to keep from taking anything for my diabetes. I have also been given approval to walk or practice any exercise that would be considered as flowing. Walking has been approved.

I also like the idea of a holistic approach because I feel that mind, body, and spiritual health are each dependent upon one another. WOW, today is certainly a good day and the positive energy is nearly thick enough to be cut with a knife and served for desert.

Good morning to all. I haven’t been up very long; today is my late day at work. I weighted in a little while ago and discovered that I had lost 3 pounds!!!!! This news may not be life shattering, but I feel that it definately shows that I am moving in the right direction. I am still reading “the book”. I thought that if I liked the eating plan well enough to follow it after reading it I would re-new it at the library while I find and buy the book for myself. Does that last comment make any sense?

I have decided to make today a good day. I have to work late, but I am off Sunday and the weekend work days are so much more low keyed some of the time. At least I get to dress casual. I also get to catch up on my paperwork although I have done very well with that this week. The only exercise I plan on getting today is a little yoga stretching. Maybe it will help my flexability a bit. I am still coughing and my ribs hurt and I’m afraid to get on my treadmill. I only woke once with the cough thing last night and it wasn’t bad enough to take more cough syrup so I guess I’m gettiong better.

I better get off here. I am feeling hungry and need some breakfast and then it’s catching up on housework time. I might be back to write later; if not, I hope everyone has a wonderful Saturday.

Even though today started rather rough it ended up being a good day. Last night was the first night I have been able to sleep very well although the good rest didn’t actually begin until around 1:45 this morning. I have been sick this week and I woke around 1:30 because my cough syrup stopped working. I got up and took another dose which worked like a charm. I was dreaming a really stupid dream when the clock went off around 6:15. It actually took several hours for me to feel as if I was completely awake. I even left the house without my breakfast. I felt tired and ill until the mid-afternoon.

By the time I was off work I felt good. I came home and fixed a healthy dinner. I didn’t overeat and then………I went to the deep freeze and forgive me, but I took the half gallon of “death-by-chocolate” ice-cream that had been in the freezer for about a week and proceeded to dish it up and then eat it up. I did choose one of my smallest bowls, but I tried to stuff as much into the bowl as I could get to fit. I did eat my treat at the table and I actually ate it slowly; the last of the bowl was actually melted. I’m not sure if this means anything, but I truly relished it and I didn’t feel piggish or bad for having it. Anyway, that was over 3 1/2  hours ago and I haven’t gone back for seconds.

The other good part of my day is that I have made two new friends on this site and even if I don’t actually know them I feel good about it. As I mentioned in my profile, I am an advocate. I work and live in a small community and my organization requires that staff do not associate with clients outside of a professional capasity. I have only lived here around 5 years and I have had to stop being friends with a few people who were clients of my company. I love the job I do, but I dislike some policies.

If anyone has actually read down this far I would like to express my thanks. If not, I am happy to get this off my chest. A good-night to all.

Today was a bit strange. I was tired this morning; I also felt a bit ill most of the day. I did begin feeling better during the afternoon, but for some reason I started feeling down during my drive home. The last sentence is very strange indeed. I didn’t overeat today. Most of the day I felt a bit sick to my stomach.

I am still not writing what I eat, but I have been reading a book called “Eat to Live” by Joel Fuhrman, M.D. I picked it up at the library and figured I would read it. If the book makes sense to me at all I thought I would commit to 6 weeks of following the program described in the book. The author writes that the book should be read once befor beginning the plan he has outlined. Has anyone reading this blog ever heard of Dr Fuhrman or his book?

Anyway, I was curious whether anyone has any suggestions about filling a loneliness void to help with overeating. To tell the truth, I’m not so sure that what I have to write is interresting enough to actually grab anyone’s attention, but true to form, I tried.

I have been at this place many times within my fifty plus years. Intellectually I realize that I am a smart and intuitive modern day woman. I tend to be proactive and creative with a curious and imaginative mind. I find humor in nearly every situation If I look. I am open minded, compassionate and empathetic. My tendency is to become bored when I am in limbo. I also lean towards being a fidgeter; I have a difficult time sitting for even short periods of time.

I know the previous statements are totally true and correct, but I also feel that anyone who sees me may feel this is a cantradiction. During the course of my life I got sidetracked and now I find myself fat and unhealthy. I am developing health issues and sometimes I wonder why I punish myself with over indulgence and inactivity.

I had managed to become so busy with everyone and everything outside of myself that I seemed to forget about me. I felt unimaginable emotional pain which consumed me while I consumed everything in sight. This act did not result in less pain. It only made the focus of my discomfort move to the physical pain associated with the act of gluttony.

Today is a new day. I an here and I am seeking the answers I want, need and deserve. I have cut out of my life the abusers who inflicted me with pain. I have also realized many of my dreams because I believe that when you want something and have a breath in your body and a true desire to accomplish that it is never too late. That is why I am here today. I have managed to do so very much and now I am ready to take my life to a different level, a healthy level. It is time and even though I have been in the “I want to lose weight” mode more than once, I desire and I also have a breath in my body. I want this. I deserve this. And I need this.

I welcome any coments, suggestions and well wishes, I would love to make some new friends who might be willing to share this journey with me. One question: Where do I start? Thanks for reading this.